


rolling billows

by billspilledquill



Category: Hamlet - All Media Types, Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Texting, Weimar Classicism, Wrong Number AU, no linguistic jokes are harmed during the making of this fic, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billspilledquill/pseuds/billspilledquill
Summary: Unknown number (1:03 AM)i get it’s like late and i shouldn’t read schiller at one am but my mother and uncle can’t stop fucking each other that’s just plain rude i want to dieMe (1:05 AM)Excuse me?Or, unfortunately and to the delight of absolutely no one, Hamlet has a phone.





	rolling billows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DidiNyx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DidiNyx/gifts).



> This is the result of why I should never write a texting fic in the first place.  
> For the lovely DidiNyx and the love they bear for these losers. <3

 

  _A look, how did it whirl me tow'rd that ocean_  
_Whose rolling billows mightier shapes embrace!_

_Lines On Seeing Schiller’s Skull, Goethe_

 

Unknown number (1:03 AM)  
i get it’s like late and i shouldn’t read schiller at one am but my mother and uncle can’t stop fucking each other that’s just plain rude i want to die

Me (1:05 AM)  
Excuse me?

Unknown number (1:05 AM)  
OH my god it’s alive

sorry man i was texting myself

Me (1:06 AM)  
It’s fine.

Why would you be texting yourself?

Unknown number (1:06 AM)  
yeah no i have like seven phones so i play with texting myself in the dead midnight thank you for not judging me

also i don’t store my phone numbers yes that is a totally valid thing to do

Me (1:06 AM)  
I didn’t mean to probe.

Are you okay?

Unknown number (1:07AM)  
yeah yeah i’m fine sorry thanks

also i don’t mean any offense but why the hell are you awake anyway

are you a mad scientist tryin to revive a corpse

Me (1:08 AM)  
That seems like a personal question to me, but I would appease you by saying that I am not Frankenstein. Just have a test coming on.

You are awake too.

Unknown number (1:08 AM)  
yeah but it’s bc they are so loud what the fuck

they sound like a human wail with cries coming out of three years olds

Me (1:10 AM)  
Weren’t you reading Schiller?

Unknown number (1:11 AM)  
yeah, i dont sleep sometimes

don’t worry abt it go to sleep

Me (1:12 AM)  
Okay. Good night. Enjoy your Schiller.

 

*

 

Unknown number (3:23 AM)  
oh yeah also good luck for your test or whatever

ah you sound smart with your periods at the end of your sentences so yeah um good luck

Unknown number (3:58 AM)  
also i rarely send texts other than myself so yeah sorry the quality of the texts are bad but i guess like everyone texts like this nowadays?? idk i have like two (sorta) friends who used to text me like this so i guess i kinda learnt the thing from them

Unknown (4:25 AM)  
sorry im rambling

still, good luck on your exam

 

*

 

Me (10:55 AM)  
Thank you, I appreciate it.

Unknown number (10:58 AM)  
how did it go????

Me (11:00 AM)  
Good, I guess. French has never been my forte.

Unknown number (11:02 AM)  
well congrats!

wait how do we say congratulations in french

Me (11:03 AM)  
Felicitations?

Unknown number (11:05 AM)  
ah. yes. feliz navidad. french is a beautiful language.

Me (11:06 AM)  
You are mixing with Spanish, I think.

Unknown number (11:06 AM)  
oh my god have you ever had fun for once in your life

im great at making linguistic jokes u just need to let me IN abuela

Me (11:08 AM)  
Sorry I have a class coming up. Need to go.

Enjoy sending me jokes if you wish during my class. My notifications are closed anyway.

Unknown number (11:08 AM)  
you got it

 

*

 

Unknown number (11:10 AM)  
will you marry me = a marriage proposal

will, you, mary, me = a foursome proposal

Me (11:12 AM)  
Oh, no.

Unknown number (11:12 AM)  
the professor said that there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative and i said, “yeah, right.”

Me (11:13 AM)  
Stop.

Unknown number (11:14 AM)  
a french cat named un deux trois is no where to be found after a sea competition. why? because the un deux trois quatre cinq.

Me (11:18 AM)  
God.

Unknown number (11:45 AM)  
you’re welcome

Me (12:00 AM)  
Okay stop there’s still one hour left in my class and all I can think are these and your ridiculously funny jokes. Make these stop. Stop.

Unknown number (12:22 AM)  
can i speak french? weeeee

Me (12:23 AM)  
God, you’re impossible.

 

*

 

Ophelia ★彡 (1:23 PM)  
Found you grinning at class, what’s wrong?

Me (1:24 PM)  
I’m happy once in awhile, Oph.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:24 PM)  
This is English class.

Me (1:27 PM)  
So?

Ophelia ★彡 (1:28 PM)  
This is the time where you remind us how intelligent you are by having top-notch discussions w/ the professor about how etymology can be traced back from the english civil war and now you have just become one of us by texting with your friend about how days passed by.

That’s sad. We could have remembered you, Horatio, as one of the greatest english class student.  
But now you have ascended from the sky and joined us in hell.

Welcome, fallen soldier.

Me (1:30 AM)  
We are not exactly friends, per say. They texted me at one in the morning, and somehow they end up sending me linguistic jokes.

Thus the inattention in class, I assume.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:32 AM)  
Holy shit. Did he like, sent pictures of his dick or smh?

Me (1:35 AM)  
I don’t even know if they’re a guy. They just kept talking about Schiller, so, no.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:35 AM)  
Well, ask?

Me (1:38 AM)  
We have know each other for like, a day, Ophelia.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:39 AM)  
I’m sorry, but have you seen Romeo in the other class. He ran off with that girl and killed a man for it.

Anyway!! This is the price of being with us the mere mortals! You have to make friends!

Me (1:40 AM)  
You walk around with flowers in your head to uni and still make friends. I’m just not made for that, Oph.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:40 AM)  
Flowers are overpowering me. Go get your guy/girl/non-binary friend! Stab them if they harm you for me, thanks!

 

*

 

Unknown number (2:07 AM)  
i see him in my mind’s eye he’s just here he’s just there he’s just there haven’t you seen him my eyes are tricking me it’s a trick of light

Me (2:08 AM)  
Okay? I gonna take this as one of your nightly message to yourself.

Unknown number (2:10 AM)  
should i go to it?

Me (2:11 AM)  
What?

Unknown number (2:16 AM)  
it’s calling me it’s really calling me my heart reaches to it i tell you i can see it he’s here and i am so sorry father i didn’t want this to happen i don’t have oh it’s running again i scared i can’t decide should i run after it please please

Me (2:18 AM)  
Pardon me?

Me (2:20 AM)  
Hey?

Me (2:20 AM)  
Whatever you are about to do, be careful.

 

*

 

Ophelia ★彡 (3:20 PM)  
There’s a new guy. Have you seen him?

Me (3:21 PM)  
No, why should I?

Ophelia ★彡 (3:23 PM)  
Rumors say that he is of royal descent or some shit. Seriously, how are people still buying that tyrannical concept that being a prince is somehow hot is beyond me.

Anyway he looks like shit.

Be cautious, he looks ready to start shit too.

Me (3:33 PM)  
Oph.

Ophelia ★彡(3:33 PM)  
Look I’m not saying that I hate monarchies but why you need to start a revolution to overthrow them if you can just stab them in the chest? Just some daily soft musings.

*

Unknown number (3:43 AM)  
hey sorry about yesterday

also, thank you

 

*

 

Ophelia ★彡 (9:57 AM)  
Update on the princely bastard: apparently we know each other when we were innocent children, like when he wasn’t wearing nighted colors with bags under his eyes and straws as hair. Still as shitty as I remember him to be however.

 

*

 

Unknown number (0:01 AM)  
“Man defines himself by his deeds, and what kind of image of man do we see in the mirror of our present times?” dread dread dread that’s it that’s the whole image of humanity i'm done i’m doing it i’m gonna do it today and schiller can go fuck himself

Me (0:03 AM)  
Woah, wait what’s wrong?

Unknown number (0:03 AM)  
fuck

Unknown number (0:04 AM)  
i’m sorry i didn’t want to talk to you no i mean like i thought i was texting to myself again you see i have like seventeen phones

wait you already know that

anyway,

Me (0:04 AM)  
Is everything alright?

Unknown number (0:04 AM)  
yeah why

why are you still awake now too oh my god

Me (0:05 AM)  
Test.

...Do you wish to talk about it?

Unknown number (0:05 AM)  
sure, what’s the test about?

Me (0:07 AM)  
You know that’s not what I am asking.

Unknown number (0:07 AM)  
yeah i know but i also don’t want to talk about it

Me (0:07 AM)  
Alright.

Do you want to continue talking?

Unknown number (0:08 AM)  
yeah, please

Me (0:10 AM)  
Can I ask you a question then?

Unknown number (0:10 AM)  
umm the answers will vary from different degrees of truth but sure go ahead

Me (0:11 AM)  
What pronouns do you use? Just curious.

Unknown number (0:11 AM)  
ah, i identify myself as a man, if thats what you are asking. you?

Me (0:13 AM)  
He/him.

Unknown number (0:13 AM)  
ok so now that we have properly bonded through being accidentally the same side in the 50% of the global population, can we talk about your test?

Me (0:15 AM)  
Um, before that, can I ask why you were freaked out by Schiller? I mean, he doesn’t look half bad. He’s also dead.

You don’t have to answer, though.

Unknown number (0:16 AM)  
well it’s just that i just went to another country and the new school isn’t, you know, very um receptive of me? like i get i lash out a lot but yeah it was pretty bad so i went home reading schiller and THAT LITTLE FUCKER just keep saying things like ‘oh but eternally shackled to one small fragment of the whole” which i KNOW bc i have read this many times but idk why this time it just doesn’t to it for me and i csd

Unknown number (0:18 AM)  
yeah that was way too much details that anyone needs but overall how it went like that

Me (0:20 AM)  
Ah, it’s “On the Aesthetic”?

Unknown number (0:20 AM)  
YES. admit that he is a brilliant little shit

Me (0:23 AM)  
His books are fine, but I liked his Mary Stuart better.

Unknown number (0:23 AM)  
INDIGNANT GASP

the robbers is clearly superior c’mon man i thought better of you

Me (0:25 AM)  
I haven’t read The Robbers yet, so maybe that’s the reason.

Unknown number (0:26 AM)  
what are you doing with your life

go read it

Me (0:27 AM)  
I told you, I’m studying right now.

Unknown number (0:28 AM)  
don’t be a little repressed goethe, c’mon

what’s the test this time?

Me (0:28 AM)  
Shakespeare.

Unknown number (0:28 AM)  
oh no

Me (0:29 AM)  
What’s the matter with Shakespeare? I thought that if you might be someone who would enjoy his plays.

Unknown number (0:30 AM)  
I would never betray Schiller like that.

Me (0:30 AM)  
Um. Okay.

_You changed [Unknown number] to [Schiller]_

Me (0:31 AM)  
So you don’t like Shakespeare?

Schiller (0:32 AM)  
hell yes i like the guy, i have even directed one of his plays once

Me (0:32 AM)  
You are a stage director?

Schiller (0:33 AM)  
no, just an amateur at everything

my father used to play shakespeare with his friend that i hated

he was caesar, my father slayed his friend through the arras. it was my idea, you know, creative liberty or something

Me (0:34 AM)  
That’s nice.

Schiller (0:34 AM)  
yeah i suppose

Me (0:35 AM)  
So why?

Schiller (0:36 AM)  
well you see my father just died so it just gives bad memory i guess

Me (0:38 AM)  
I’m sorry to hear that.

Schiller (0:40 AM)  
haha it’s okay

look sorry i don’t wanna like to be rude but my father’s funeral is tmr so i need like to do /stuff/ so yeah um i need to go now

Schiller (0:45 AM)  
um good night i think? don’t forget to include the dick jokes in your test tmr my good sir

also, read the robbers

Me (0:48 AM)  
Duly noted. Good night.

 

*

 

Ophelia ★彡 (1:00 PM)  
You staring at your phone.

Me (1:00 PM)  
I am not.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:02 PM)  
I’m just behind you in class and you just replied me with lightening speed.

Me (1:03 PM)  
I was checking my schedule.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:05 PM)  
Ummm. In case you can’t see my face, my expression is #not convinced.

Wait did you ask them?

Me (1:08 PM)  
Yeah, he’s apparently only awake 24/7.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:09 PM)  
Well you look like you have been sleep deprived since birth, so don’t complain too much.

Hey btw are you coming for Laertes’ departure? I know you guys aren’t exactly best friends, but thought I might ask.

Me (1:20 PM)  
No thanks.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:21 PM)  
Okay.

Bet his French is worse than you.

Me (1:23 PM)  
Isn’t he going to France for a student exchange?

Ophelia ★彡 (1:25 PM)  
Yeah so now he’s can’t stop saying croiSSssssant in the phone in that obnoxious way that makes me wanna bake him as a fucking buttery croissant.

Also btw, The Prince didn’t come to school this day. Us peasants are too little for him to get his ass out in the morning.

Me (1:28 PM)  
I guess he’s not in any of my classes. I have never seen him.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:30 PM)  
He’s dressed all in black and I bet my marguerites that he puts black liquid eyeliner too, the 90s style and all that.

I suspect that there are plugs in his ear, bc he can’t seem to hear anything. Or doesn’t bother to, anyway.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:32 PM)  
What are you peeping through when the teacher is busy telling us about cosmic dust?

Me (1:33 PM)  
It’s The Robbers.

Ophelia ★彡 (1:33 PM)  
Didn’t know you were into german lit.

Is it good?

Me (1:34 PM)  
It’s great.

 

*

 

Me (10:32 PM)  
I read The Robbers. I have to admit that it’s better than Mary Stuart. The endings can make great parallels, I think.

Schiller (10:40 PM)  
oh hey you are early

damn right it is acknowledge its superiority

Schiller (10:42 PM)  
don’t have an test tmr?

Me (10:44 PM)  
Tomorrow’s Saturday.

Schiller (10:45 PM)  
oh yeah right

Me (10:45 PM)  
Is everything alright?

Schiller (10:47 PM)  
you’re not gonna stop asking me this right? geez mom

Me (10:48 PM)  
It’s been three days since we have talked. You usually send me some incomprehensible texts for a starter.

Schiller (10:49 PM)  
bc now i have finally named you in my contact so i won’t confuse you with my other one hundred phone contacts that are all me

Me (10:50 PM)  
You don’t even know my name.

Schiller (10:51 PM)  
and miiine’s cosette

easy. named you goethe

Me (10:52 PM)  
Why?

Schiller (10:52 PM)  
bc you sound old

Me (10:53 PM)  
I’m twenty-three.

Schiller (10:53 PM)  
no. nope. not believing you. you are rather thirteen or thirty, i can’t tell. you sound too trustworthy for a 23 y/o adult

Me (10:55 PM)  
It’s true.

Schiller (11:00 PM)  
prove it

Me (11:10 PM)  
okay

[sent photo]

Schiller (11:11 PM)  
[received photo]

WOW. OKAY. DON’T THINK I’M BLIND. YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME WITH A PHOTO OF A CELEB. i thought our short term friendship was at least worth a real photo

Me (11:13 PM)  
...that’s me?

Schiller (11:15 PM)  
pffff this is clearly photoshopped and a picture of a man like, in the magazine of 100 best cheekbones of the century

Me (11:16 PM)  
While I appreciate the praise, but it’s really not photoshopped. I just took a photo in the dim light of my bedroom.

Schiller (11:18 PM)  
wait that’s really you?? like?? your actual face??

Me (11:20 PM)  
Yes?

Schiller (11:21 PM)  
well that checks things out

Me (11:23 PM)  
What do you mean?

Schiller (11:28 PM)  
nothing

Schiller (11:30 PM)  
oh im 22 btw

Me (11:30 PM)  
Nice.

So I guess now’s the official introductions? Should I tell you my name?

Schiller (11:31 PM)  
i’m not gonna tell you mine

so if you want to tell me yours, that’s on you

Me (11:31 PM)  
Why?

Schiller (11:33 PM)  
umm guess, im either the prime minister of england or a prosecuted danish criminal that once stole a bear in his life

Me (11:35 PM)  
I’m gonna go with the latter, but something tells me that you are neither of them.

Schiller (11:36 PM)  
yeah im not tho i think i might do both one day

Me (11:38 PM)  
I’m gonna continue to call you Schiller then.

My name is Horatio.

Schiller (11:40 PM)  
ah you see, too trustworthy

that’s a really nice name, sounds like your parents were greek nerds or smh

_You changed [Schiller] to [Man that steals bears]_

Me (11:41 PM)  
I guess so. My foster parents didn’t like history much.

Man that steals bears (11:41 PM)  
i am sure that they are proud of you for chatting w/ a stranger on 11 pm

but for real yeah, i think they would be proud, i mean, have u seen ur face my good sire

also you are a great person and all idk

sorry, something too much of this

Me (11:42 PM)  
...Thank you.

Well then, good night, Friedrich.

Man that steals bears (11:42 PM)  
ah

wait

Me (11:44 PM)  
Yes?

Man that steals bears (11:45 PM)  
ummmmmmm

yeah no nothing

good night horatio

Me (11:45 PM)  
Same to you.

 

*

 

So you think you can France (9:46 AM)  
Hey how’s my lit sis

So you think you can France (9:47 AM)  
Oops wrong number sorry

Me (9:47 AM)  
Why is everyone so keen on texting me with texts that are clearly not addressed to me these days.

So you think you can France (9:49 AM)  
I’m gonna go off a limb and ignore this hateful and spiteful comment

Seriously tho, have you seen Ophelia?

Me (9:53 AM)  
She is an independent person how come would I know where she is?

So you think you can France (9:55 AM)  
I have seen her with Hamlet recently

I don’t like him

He gives me a bad vibe and dresses filthily

Me (10:00 AM)  
Says the person who wears a cowboy hat to school.

Who’s Hamlet?

So you think you can France (10:01 AM)  
Again, I will ignore the hateful and prejudiced comment on my outfit

The prince of denmark and of darkness, of course, can’t believe you didn’t know him y’all are in the same school right?

Me (10:01 AM)  
Please don’t ‘y’all’ me.

So you think you can France (10:03 AM)  
Y’all d’ ve know him, I dig

_You put [so you think you can France] in the list of undesirables._

 

*

 

Man that steals bears (1:21 AM)  
hey quick question

what if brutus didn’t die in the play would they have won the civil war?

Me (1:23 AM)  
Historically, no. But if you are talking about Julius Caesar as a play, then you have to ask Shakespeare. He gets to decide the ending.

Man that steals bears (1:30 AM)  
woah horace i didn’t know that you are still awake plz let me talk alone in my dump, thanks

but also i fervently disagree on your premise that author gets to decide what their characters should feel i mean have you read the tent scene

Me (1:32 AM)  
Since when my name is Horace?

Me (1:33 AM)  
You mean the ghost of Caesar?

Man that steals bears (1:34 AM)  
aye horace, methinks that thou doesn’t get the concept of nicknames

that fucking tent scene is just gay. and it just shows that shakespeare isn’t the problem here that this level of gayness doesn’t get acknowledge by the world.

Me (1:36 AM)  
The homoerotic subtext is present, yes. But I don’t see what that has to do with the matter of Brutus winning the civil war.

Man that steals bears (1:39 AM)  
well my (100% correct) theory is so that this play is about personal tragedy right? and tragedy is something that ends badly

thus if brutus would have lived, the plot of inherent upcoming circle of revenge would have be broken and turned into a tragic-comedy/problem play. if he lived, the civil war would have be won no matter the historical accuracy bc there is a structure to follow

so the fault is the system itself. all this play has to do if NOT to be labelled as a tragedy and it could have ended happily so fuck authorial intent i gonna write my phd on this

Man that steals bears (1:45 AM)  
Horatio?

Me (1:46 AM)  
...This is a valid argument. But I think the value that Julius Caesar has is the doomed fate aspect of the story, no?

Man that steals bears (1:49 AM)  
everything can be a tragedy if you do it poetically enough

i don’t know, maybe bc it’s late, i just think that a whole bunch of them didn’t need to die in order for this to be successful. look i’m not an optimist bc that’s stupid but yeah, i believe that tragedies can be reversed????

yeah no even typing it sounds odd to me

Me (1:52 AM)  
There is a production of Julius Caesar near my city. We could go see it, if you want.

Man that steals bears (1:58 AM)  
you don’t even know where i live??

Me (1:59 AM)  
I could film it to you, at least.

Man that steals bears (2:00 AM)  
told you, too trustworthy

but thank you

i’m directing a production in my uni right now, wished you have been there too. all my family will be here to see

....that wasn’t an innuendo at all just to clarify

Me (2:00 AM)  
Send me a ticket, if you’d like.

Good night, my eyes are failing me.

Man that steals bears (2:03 AM)  
good night <3

 

*

 

Me (3:44 PM)  
Ophelia, what does <3 means?

Ophelia ★彡 (3:46 PM)  
Means that you are going to get laid.

Me (3:49 PM)  
Are you sure this isn’t the symbol of some obscure religion that kills.

Ophelia ★彡 (3:55 PM)  
Wow who even sent you this?

Me (3:58 PM)  
The guy.

Ophelia ★彡 (3:58 PM)  
Oh!!!

Me (3:59 PM)  
Please explain to me what you mean.

Wait. Please don’t explain to me what you mean.

Ophelia ★彡 (4:01 PM)  
I just think the relationship had gone on a step. It’s nice!!

What’s his name?

Me (4:02 PM)  
I don’t know. But yeah, I think we are kinda friends now.

Ophelia ★彡 (4:03 PM)  
Yay! Friends!

Ophelia ★彡 (4:08 PM)  
Oh yeah speaking of friends, my brother now hates you and called you a tool of establishment for insulting his fashion choices. Nicely done. Would have hifived you if I can.

 

*

 

Man that steals bears (4:44 PM)  
hey quick question it is incest if your mom is fucking her brother

Me (4:48 PM)  
.... yes?

Man that steals bears (4:49 PM)  
*with her husband’s brother

Me (4:50 PM)  
I guess? Why?

Man that steals bears (4:52 PM)  
just trying to prove a point to someone don’t worry about it it’s nothing serious

 

*

 

Ophelia ★彡 (5:09 PM)  
FATHER I ONLY HAD SEX WITH HIM ONCE. PLEASE DON’T SPAM MY PHONE WITH SEX SAFETY PAMPHLETS.

Me (5:12 PM)  
Ah, let me guess, you typed to the wrong number.

Ophelia ★彡 (5:12 PM)  
Oh sorry!! Wrong number!!

Haha yeah.

Me (5:18 PM)  
What happened with your father?

Ophelia ★彡 (5:20 PM)  
HE’S FREAKING OUT and so Laertes is also freaking out and therefore I am the victim. This fucking family. I will go drown myself.

Me (5:21 PM)  
Elaboration?

Ophelia ★彡 (5:24 PM)  
Okay so like you remember The Prince?? Like that Hamlet guy?? Who brings out his spring colors by wearing dark grey?? I had sex with that guy.

Ophelia ★彡 (5:38 PM)  
HORATIO ARE YOU HERE OR DID I BROKE YOU OR SO GOD HELP ME

Me (5:40 PM)  
You had sex with _the prince of Denmark_.

Ophelia ★彡 (5:42 PM)  
Yeah, it was a one time thing. He just fucking waved his phone and said that he had someone. Which was okay, we just hook up bc of some leftover teenager sexual tension or something, but now apparently bc I am a woman and that he is a prince my father feels the urge to fucking educate me about sex safety.

Sex safety, Horatio. He wouldn’t care for safety when he banged Hamlet’s father behind the stage door.

Me (5:45 PM)  
My god, your father knew the king of Denmark??

Ophelia ★彡 (5:48 PM)  
Yeah, that’s what Hamlet said anyway. My father never told me that, but a least he had the decency to mention that he once had sex with his classmate at Christmas Eve at bedtime stories.

Me (5:50 PM)  
Maybe he’s lying?

Ophelia ★彡 (5:53 PM)  
God, have you seen Hamlet? He showed me his poems and fucking blushed talking about his stupid crush. This man is a jerk, but he doesn’t lie. He talks about my father as if he’s annoyed, which is the #1 clue that he knows my father personally enough.

Me (5:57 PM)  
Well, I have to say that I am surprised that this didn’t make into the gossip. Being with the royal family and all that.

Ophelia ★彡 (5:59 PM)  
After the drama that is that guy’s play, I guess it stayed in the dusts. Thank god it did.

Me (6:03 PM)  
Ah, the Mousetrap? I have heard of it from the media.

Ophelia ★彡 (6:04 PM)  
SO you don’t live under a rock, thank god.

Me (6:06 PM)  
Wasn’t it because that the king fled the scene?

Ophelia ★彡 (6:07 PM)  
And because Hamlet monologued for a few hours after he did it. AND that we finally why his uncle suddenly became the crowned king. The media never said that Hamlet’s dad was dead anyway?? After months of watching conspiracy videos, finally, FINALLY we got the confirmation that he’s dead. But yes, the flight proved to be troubling.  
  
Me (6:07 PM)  
Some says that he is mad after the father’s death.

Ophelia ★彡 (6:08 PM)  
I don’t have sex with madness. He’s perfectly sane.

Me (6:09 PM)  
So what are you suggesting?

Ophelia ★彡 (6:11 PM)  
There’s three options  
1) he’s playing with the court  
2) he is planning murder  
3) all of the above

The answer is probably three, but I digress.

 

*

 

Man that steals bears (1:00 AM)  
i just killed a man horatio

Man that steals bears (1:01 AM)  
god horatio please be here horatio horatio horatio

Me (1:03 AM)  
????

Man that steals bears (1:03 AM)  
god you are here and my mother is here oh god oh god i’m so scared help me horatio help me please i don’t understand help i’m so so sos os sodm scared i dckont usnndes

Me (1:05 AM)  
Are you okay?!

Man that steals bears (1:06 AM)  
HORATIO PLEASE THERE’S BLOOD AND I CANT SEE I CAN’T SEE YOUR MESSAGE PLEASE BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD THE BLOOD PLEASE

Me (1:08 PM)  
Let me call you?

Man that steals bears (1:12 PM)  
please please dsaxplease

[received call]

[call finished: 10:23 min]

Man that steals bears (1:30 PM)  
so

Me (1:34 PM)  
Just go get some sleep.

Man that steals bears (1:35 PM)  
for god’s sake horatio just fucking call me hamlet i just told you everything that i know about myself

Me (1:38 PM)  
Just go to sleep.

Man that steals bears (1:40 PM)  
i just killed someone, horatio. thought you’d be more indignant about it

Me (1:42 PM)  
Remember Julius Caesar? Here’s it is, your turning point. Fucking sleep. Go the fuck to sleep so that you can think over and turn this around.

_You changed [man that steals bears] to [Schiller’s skull]_

 

*

 

Me (4:00 PM)  
Ophelia, I have heard about your father.

Me (4:30 PM)  
Ophelia?

Me (4:32 PM)  
Are you here?

Me (4:33 PM)  
Ophelia.

Damnit, answer me. Ophelia, please.

Let me help you.

 _Ophelia_.

 

*

 

Unknown number (6:56 PM)  
I’m sorry for any disturbance sir, but I am afraid that my son has been talking to you for quite some time.

Me (7:00 PM)  
This is the first time I would want a message to be not addressed to me. I am guessing that you are referring to Hamlet?

Unknown number (7:03 PM)  
Yes, this is Hamlet’s mother.

Now, I have viewed your previous conversations with Hamlet, and while I thank you for your kindness and sincerity toward my son, I am afraid that all his connections must be cut from his environment for his reintegration in society.

Me (7:05 PM)  
“Reintegration in society”. You have read your son’s private messages.

Unknown number (7:07 PM)  
He is... unstable after his father’s death. We have to check on him, for Hamlet as well as for the future of the country.

Me (7:08 PM)  
You got hackers just to check your child’s mails?

Unknown number (7:10 PM)  
They were friends, it was easy. But I am not here to explain anything to you.

Unknown number (7:13 PM)  
My son is mad. We are sending him to England for treatment, they have the best tool for him. He wanted to tell you. So I complied.

Me (7:14 PM)  
With all due respect, but “for treatment” sounds pretty much like an euphemism for asylum for me.

Unknown number (7:16 PM)  
We are doing what we can, Horace. Is this your name?

Me (7:17 PM)  
It’s Horatio, madam.

Unknown number (7:19 PM)  
It doesn’t sound danish. Are you a foreigner?

Me (7:21 PM)  
Is that a problem?

Unknown number (7:23 PM)  
Not particularly.

Me (7:25 PM)  
But?

Unknown number (7:27 PM)  
It’s nothing. It’s that I have heard of you from Polonius’ daughter.

Me (7:30 PM)  
Ophelia???

Do you know anything about her? She doesn’t answer any of my calls.

Unknown number (7:34 PM)  
Polonius was a friend of my deceased husband. Ophelia is now under my care, you don’t need to worry about her safety.

Me (7:36 PM)  
Is it possible that I go visit her?

Unknown number (7:37 PM)  
You know that Hamlet killed her father, I believe. We try to repress the information, but surely you would know, I was there when he called you.

Me (7:35 PM)  
Yes, I know. I could barely understand anything from his incoherent speech, but he said that his mother was there, too.

Unknown number (7:40 PM)  
You don’t hate him?

Me (7:41 PM)  
Well, do you hate him?

Unknown number (7:43 PM)  
He is my son.

Me (7:45 PM)  
And he is my friend.

Unknown number (7:48 PM)  
It’s almost funny, now you are saying this, Horatio.

Me (7:50 PM)  
Why?

Unknown number (7:52 PM)  
You speak like a lord’s servant, as if you knew him for so long.

Me (7:53 PM)  
I have knew him for a few months, madam. It’s enough to get the essential.

Unknown number (7:56 PM)  
My son is a fragile, elusive thing. You would crush him if you try to catch him. He’s not made to have friends. Let me settle this down, would you?

Me (7:57 PM)  
I wouldn’t trade him for a thousand pounds.

Unknown number (8:01 PM)  
We are trying to avoid a tragedy here, Horatio.

Me (8:03 PM)  
If that’s the tragedy, I will have it.

Unknown number (8:04 PM)  
Even if you wind up dead in your apartment.

Me (8:06 PM)  
But I don’t need to be dead, am I? I am not essential in any way in this story. Tragedies tend to be more personal than a couple of friends in the royal court trying to dance their way out of a game of playing king.

The prince knows better than me anyway.

 

*

 

Me (8:23 PM)  
Can I visit Ophelia, madam? She is a dear friend to me, surely she would like a visit from her acquaintances.

Me (8:24 PM)  
Is her brother back from France?

Me (8:30 PM)  
Madam?

_You changed [Unknown number] to [Schiller’s mom]_

 

*

 

Unknown number (2:34 AM)  
hey horatio is this you

i’m in a pirate ship right now and this is apparently a believable plot line even for someone like me

if you are not horatio then please gently fuck off i will kill you if you spread the message to anyone thank you

Me (2:35 AM)  
Oh god. Hamlet.

Unknown number (2:36 AM)  
yep ok that’s definitely you

my mom probably talked to you and you know all that stuff already idk so um yeah i’m returning home

Me (2:38 AM)  
Why in the world you will in be a pirate ship? Also, this is not your phone number. It is almost three am.

Unknown number (2:40 AM)  
ok so 1 it’s bc of my great charm of dazzling everyone i meet and 2 i stole it from a dead man just to text you so 3 just be grateful you can’t sleep anyway

Me (2:41 AM)  
From a dead man?

Unknown number (2:42 AM)  
killed em

Me (2:43 AM)  
What the hell?

Unknown number (2:45 AM)  
ohh the big guns never heard you swear before

they were my schoolmates from my previous school, horatio. they spied on me, hell, they probably hacked your messages so that they would bring it to my uncle and lick his boots after the mission is finished

Me (2:48 AM)  
I don’t see why my texts would be such a disturbance to your family.

Unknown number (2:50 AM)  
...that’s not the point horatio. the point is that this whole trip is a plan of assassination played by my uncle and they just went along with it

my uncle, horatio. the king of a fucking nation and still would kill a skinny ragman just before he’s too much a coward to kill me myself

Me (2:53 AM)  
Why, what a king is this.

Unknown number (2:54 AM)  
yeah so no, i don’t have any guilt, horatio, this a situation where dogs eat dogs and i would kill them all over again with my bare hands if that’s what it takes

i just got lucky being the bitch that ran quicker

Me (2:58 AM)  
I’m not blaming you anything, Hamlet. I barely know what happened. Don’t jump on conclusions like that.

Unknown number (2:58 AM)  
sorry

Me (2:59 AM)  
When are you coming back?

Unknown number (2:59 AM)  
awww lover boy, worried? i will be back soon, said odysseus

Me (3:02 AM)  
Hamlet.

Unknown number (3:03 AM)  
yeah ok that was stupid

anyway i will be back soon, i suppose. lest we die out in sea which would be great but these pirates are trained, man, they can prob lift me up like 5 of me at the same time

Me (3:05 AM)  
Are you feeling okay out there?

Unknown number (3:06 AM)  
ah, there it is, have been waiting for it

yeah i’m fine it’s just like, you know

Me (3:07 AM)  
??

Unknown number (3:08 AM)  
i miss you a ,,. bit? like ophelia told me that you were in the same uni and i just?? um yeah saw you in the hallway and i know i haven’t talked to you in like, real concrete you which is lame of me but yeah i miss you a lot

Me (3:09 AM)  
You saw me and didn’t talk to me?

Unknown number (3:12 AM)  
you were heading to the library ?? you were carrying a lot of books and i just thought you prob don’t want stuff like me coming along

Me (3:14 AM)  
“Stuff like you” is an invalid sentence. Don’t refer yourself as stuff.

Unknown number (3:15 AM)  
yes dad

Me (3:17 AM)  
I brought tickets for Julius Caesar for two just now. For the 23th. So come back soon.

Unknown number (3:19 AM)  
oh my god please it’s late already

Me (3:21 AM)  
That’s why I’m going to sleep now. Good night.

Unknown number (3:23 AM)  
wait horatio did you just invite me for theatre

Unknown number (3:25 AM)  
horatio? horace? lover boy? wolfgang??

Unknown number (3:28 AM)  
well good night to you too, may angels spit on you on your sleep <3

 

*

 

Me (4:34 AM)  
I... missed you too. Don’t forget to come back before the 23th.

Me (4:36 AM)  
... <3

 

*

 

_[6 unread messages]_

Ophelia ★彡 (5:05 AM)  
Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day!

Ophelia ★彡 (5:07 AM)  
Rosemary, rosemary, and and and saint-john’s bloom, basils, marguerite! is this enough for a bouquet? Rosemary, rosemary, rosemary, rosemary?

Rosemaries?

Ophelia ★彡 (5:07 AM)  
I think I know why rosemaries are talking I think I know why tomorrow is Valentine’s Day it’s the rosemaries, rosemaries, rosemaries?

Ophelia ★彡 (5:07 AM)  
Father is taking rosemaries down the hall. He is telling me to go.

Ophelia ★彡 (5:08 AM)  
There are rosemaries down the hall. I am going.

Ophelia ★彡 (5:09 AM)  
Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

*

 

Schiller’s mom (8:23 AM)  
I have something to tell you, Horatio.

Me (8:24 AM)  
Please do tell me without further ado.

Me (8:24 AM)  
[received call]

[call ended: 5:49 min]

 

*

 

Unknown number (7:34 PM)  
WHAT THE FUCK HORATIO. WHAT THE FUCK.

Me (7:35 PM)  
Where are you???

Unknown number (7:38 PM)  
I’M IN THE GRAVEYARD??? MY MOTHER AND UNCLE AND YOU ARE JUST IN FRONT OF ME?? WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH THEM. WHY THE FUCK THERE IS A COFFIN.

WHO FUCKING DIED AGAIN.

Me (7:40 PM)  
It’s Ophelia. Keep it down, Laertes is here. He doesn’t want to see you, or possibly everyone right now.

Unknown number (7:42 PM)  
oh god oh god i don’t fucking care about laetres FUCK LAETRES just let me let me LET ME GET TO HER

Me (7:43 PM)  
Don’t do anything for now, Hamlet. Everyone is grieving.

Unknown number (7:45 PM)  
I LOVED HER HORATIO I LOVED HER BETTER THAN A THOUSAND BROTHERS LAETRES IS A SELFISH ASSHOLE DOES HE THINK THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT LOVED HER

Me (7:46 PM)  
You killed his father, Hamlet. That was Ophelia’s father too.

Unknown number (7:47 PM)  
you know schiller? i would tell her about schiller and poems of him and in this cemetery there’s that jester that came to my room every day when i was little sometimes ophelia would stay by and she would say poor yorick and we would laugh at his red nose and she LOVED ME TOO HORATIO NO ONE TOLD ME THAT SHE DIED SHE DIED GOD JUST AT LEAST LET ME SEE HER ONE LAST TIME

Me (7:49 PM)  
What are you going to do??

Me (7:51 PM)  
Hamlet???

 

*

 

_[Messages from list of undesirables, if you wish to reply, please see in Settings]_

So you think you can France (8:19 PM)  
They didn’t even get her a service. They said that suicide is a sin. That her killing herself is worse that a man killing my father and getting away with it. They said that it’s a tragedy.

So you think you can France (8:19 PM)  
They went away and had the audacity of crying. The queen was giving her flowers that she won’t like. She hated rosemaries. Said that they stink.

So you think you can France (8:20 PM)  
I don’t care that you are friends with him or whatever, Horatio. I am going to kill him and rip his limbs one by one and slide his throat and watch that blood dry.

So you think you can France (8:23 PM)  
And then they could call this shit a tragedy, after I raise his head high up in the air like a trophy. This will be how it ends, so go tell you little prince that.

 

*

  
  
Schiller’s skull (1:33 AM)  
i am not sorry about what happened yesterday

Me (1:35 AM)  
...You got your phone back?

Schiller’s skull (1:37 AM)  
yeah, they are nice to me all of a sudden and i don’t care what are the motives anymore

to be honest i am not even going to ask you why you are still awake

Me (1:40 AM)  
I was thinking about you.

Schiller’s skull (1:41 AM)  
i’m flattered

Me (1:43 AM)  
I was thinking about the play, you know? The Robbers. And then I remembered that we are going to see Julius Caesar on the 23th. Does the invitation still holds?

Schiller’s skull (1:45 AM)  
of course, unless you don’t want to anymore

i mean, with all that has happened

Me (1:47 AM)  
I finally saw you in real, so, that’s a change.

Schiller’s skull (1:48 AM)  
yeah you saw me in the worst possible moment that i can be seen, so, a change in perspective

Me (1:48 AM)  
You were crying.

Schiller’s skull (1:50 AM)  
you have been unlucky, let’s say

Me (1:50 AM)  
You know that Laertes is going to kill you. Why don’t you leave?

Schiller’s skull (1:52 AM)  
you know that claudius killed my father, of course you know. i told you. why would i leave?

Me (1:52 AM)  
Sometimes I wonder if you are even trying to avoid this whole thing in the first place.

Schiller’s skull (1:56 AM)  
it will come, horatio, i’m not a man of destiny like brutus. i don’t kill for honorable cause

Me (1:58 AM)  
If your mind dislike anything, obey it.

Schiller’s skull (2:01 AM)  
you’re a good man horatio. you probably shouldn’t get tangled in this mess after all

why don’t _you_ leave?

Me (2:03 AM)  
Not before we see the play.

Schiller’s skull (2:04 AM)  
ugh, that’s why i called you goethe, horatio. not because you sound old and cranky. you just seem to have this odd and frightening optimism. schiller hated that from him

Me (2:05 AM)  
But they were friends.

Schiller’s skull (2:06 AM)  
schiller died of tuberculosis some twenty years before goethe and that man stole his skull and wrote a poem about it

Me (2:06 AM)  
That... sounds like something you would do.

Schiller’s skull (2:07 AM)  
they found out that it’s not his skull after all. schiller died, but goethe lived. i die, but you live, horatio, it’s the same fucking principle.

sorry, i’m just so tired of this. i don’t even care how it will end anymore

Me (2:08 AM)  
You don’t have to be. Once all this ends, we can always buy other tickets for the play.

Schiller’s skull (2:10 AM)  
i wished that brutus didn’t die in that play, i know that the audience wouldn’t like it. do you think they would change it?

Me (2:11 AM)  
There’s a structure to everything. You said this yourself.

Schiller’s skull (2:13 AM)  
yeah, just think that it doesn’t have to be a tragedy this time around

Me (2:14 AM)  
Yeah. I guess I named you well.

Schiller’s skull (2:16 AM)  
what the hell does that mean

Me (2:18 AM)  
Nothing.

_You changed [Schiller’s skull] to [ <3]_

 

*

 

Schiller’s mom (6:23 PM)  
Hamlet has been invited to a banquet. He and Laertes are going to have a wrestle match. Boxing, so they said.

Me (6:24 PM)  
He never told me.

Schiller’s mom (6:24 PM)  
He hides things he wants to hide really well.

Me (6:25 PM)  
You are not going to stop him?

Schiller’s mom (6:27 PM)  
I can protect him. And he will figure out the rest.

Me (6:28 PM)  
I don’t think it would be enough, madam.

Schiller’s mom (6:32 PM)  
That’s why I am telling you this, Horatio. I want you to be here.

Me (6:33 PM)  
What can I do?

Schiller’s mom (6:34 PM)  
Do what you are best at.

Me (6:35 PM)  
And that is?

Schiller’s mom (6:37 PM)  
Observe.

Me (6:38 PM)  
...Okay.

Schiller’s mom (6:40 PM)  
When he was a small child, my son used to ask me if he should die to know what death is. He is obsessed with it. I had never seen him smile after his father’s funeral, wondered why he is suddenly interested in his phone. He beamed at me when I asked him. Said, to be, mother, to be. Guess I understand now.

Schiller’s mom (6:41 PM)  
Take care of him, Horatio.

 

*

 

<3 (8:30 AM)  
tomorrow’s the play’s opening, exact?

Me (8:31 AM)  
Yeah. Are you coming?

<3 (8:32 AM)  
yeah i will of course i will

and hey

Me (8:33 AM)  
Yes?

<3 (8:35 AM)  
thank you, for everything

Me (8:36 AM)  
Tell me that tomorrow face to face, you coward.

<3 (8:39 AM)  
it will be a different ending right?

Me (8:41 AM)  
I don’t know.

<3 (8:43 AM)  
write me a different ending then

Me (8:45 AM)  
Alright. How do you want it?

<3 (8:48 AM)  
julius ceasar resigns, brutus guides the republic to a newer path, no one dies

Me (8:50 AM)  
These are but wild and whirling words, Hamlet.

<3 (8:52 AM)  
is that a yes

Me (8:52 AM)  
Yes.

<3 (8:53 AM)  
thank you

Me (8:56 AM)  
I will go to you tomorrow when you wake up.

<3 (8:58 AM)  
can you kiss me when you wake me up?

Me (8:59 AM)  
Sure.

<3 (9:00 AM)  
can you tell me that today will be different than the idles of march?

Me (9:01 AM)  
You deserve an epilogue. Today is different.

<3 (9:03 AM)  
you will go to me tomorrow when i wake up

Me (9:04 AM)  
I will go to you tomorrow when you wake up.

 

*

 

Me (4:55 PM)  
Brutus died at the end in this piece. I will write you a better one.

Me (4:58 PM)  
I will go to you tomorrow.

 

*

 

Me (5:34 PM)  
It will be broadcasted?

Fortinbras (5:35 PM)  
You are welcome to come to the castle to see him. The funeral will be broadcasted though, as custom of the royal family.

Me (5:36 PM)  
There’s a story I have to write.

Fortinbras (5:40 PM)  
Didn’t know you were a writer.

Me (5:42 PM)  
There’s just a few changes I have to make. The story is already written in the whole.

Fortinbras (5:44 PM)  
Bother to show it to me?

Me (5:45 PM)  
Anything for the king.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow, it always ends like this.  
> Feedbacks are hugely appreciate and help fuel this broken machine.


End file.
